For our 23rd YUle calendar surprise, we have an
article written by Miss Almi. Here, she suggests some alternative Yule
travel destinations for hobbits who want to avoid the busy Winterhome.
Yule is here, and Frostbluff has opened its gates yet again. The streets swarm with helpers, cleaners, pickpockets and keg smugglers. You get hit by snowballs here and there, get trampled by big folks and their deer mounts, the snowy grims make you snow-blind for minutes, you fail in cheering up snowbeasts, and the Old Bloodtusk play is cancelled YET AGAIN. Starting to feel grumpy, hobbit? That won’t do. I recommend you search for the Spirit of Yule somewhere else in Middle-earth. Here are four travel recommendations for you to get in a real Yule mood. Or not. Well, let’s see what they are.
Thorin’s Hole / Blue Mountains
The area around the Blue Mountains is a good winter destination for hobbits with a low travel budget. A carriage ride from Needlehole doesn’t cost much and doesn’t last too long to Thorin’s Hole. Thorin’s Hole is a grand place for culture geeks: it hosts many popular music festivals and events (Dwarves’ Night Out, Winterfest, Winterstock). There is a decent tavern and a refreshing indoor river to for anyone who still hasn’t had a Yule bath. Oh, and as you can imagine, it is the miners’ favourite Yule destination. Just don’t dig too deep – it might wake up some nasty creatures, like hibernating hedgehogs.
The dance goes ever on and on in Thorin’s Hole
Forochel
If you have more coin and time to spare, you might consider Forochel, a wintery region with beautiful northern lights north of Oatbarton. It is a bit scarier to travel there, so please bring a sturdy rolling pin or frying pan along. It is the number one place to have your Yule bath – you will definitely have that “reborn” feeling after you had dipped yourself into the icy cold lake. Also, it is a grand place to catch a fish, so juicy sweet! If you feel more adventurous, you might want to take a look at the Snowbeasts, “Peikko”, which are abominable to say the least. The Lossoth folks also ride on Mammoths or Norsu. This place is probably not the best spot to look for culture events – most bards play horribly, probably because their fingers are either frozen or inside thick mittens. But yes, fishes and cool baths! Put them on your list. Oh, and you might have a slightly foggy feeling after your Forochel trip – I blame their hard drinks.
If you have more coin and time to spare, you might consider Forochel, a wintery region with beautiful northern lights north of Oatbarton. It is a bit scarier to travel there, so please bring a sturdy rolling pin or frying pan along. It is the number one place to have your Yule bath – you will definitely have that “reborn” feeling after you had dipped yourself into the icy cold lake. Also, it is a grand place to catch a fish, so juicy sweet! If you feel more adventurous, you might want to take a look at the Snowbeasts, “Peikko”, which are abominable to say the least. The Lossoth folks also ride on Mammoths or Norsu. This place is probably not the best spot to look for culture events – most bards play horribly, probably because their fingers are either frozen or inside thick mittens. But yes, fishes and cool baths! Put them on your list. Oh, and you might have a slightly foggy feeling after your Forochel trip – I blame their hard drinks.
The quality of music is influenced by the use of thick gloves
Misty Mountains
If you love blizzards and dangerous activities such as jumping off cliffs, you should travel to the Misty Mountains area. The accommodation options are few, mostly some campsite tents and uncomfortable strongholds where your sleep will be disturbed by loud snoring sounds, probably originating from a dwarf or a dragon. The food is bad, even though the meat is rumoured to be back on the menu in Goblin Town. Not much for culture lovers in this area either. Not much of anything. Well, if you look for a brutal and possibly the most painful death, you have plenty of options here (get killed by giants, snowbeasts, bears with winter-sleeping disorders, wargs, worms, goblins, and numerous other evil creatures one can imagine, plus all those chances of falling off cliffs when you do a Misty Mountain Hop). So, hmmm. Well, let’s look at one more alternative destination, shall we?
If you love blizzards and dangerous activities such as jumping off cliffs, you should travel to the Misty Mountains area. The accommodation options are few, mostly some campsite tents and uncomfortable strongholds where your sleep will be disturbed by loud snoring sounds, probably originating from a dwarf or a dragon. The food is bad, even though the meat is rumoured to be back on the menu in Goblin Town. Not much for culture lovers in this area either. Not much of anything. Well, if you look for a brutal and possibly the most painful death, you have plenty of options here (get killed by giants, snowbeasts, bears with winter-sleeping disorders, wargs, worms, goblins, and numerous other evil creatures one can imagine, plus all those chances of falling off cliffs when you do a Misty Mountain Hop). So, hmmm. Well, let’s look at one more alternative destination, shall we?
Most of your Yule self-portraits will end up like this
Wildermore
Now, we come to our last destination which is my personal favourite: Wildermore! If you have the coin, I strongly recommend that you come here. Taverns, snowmen, beautiful icy crystals here and there, good services all around. Forlaw is a wonderful town with picturesque, rustic cottages that certainly make a hobbit feel like home. The tavern has a heated terrace with live music, and there’s always a pork roasting on the fire. Take a stroll through the town, pop into the shops, and go pat the horses and chucks at the stables. And if you go outside of town, you will discover a hunters’ paradise: elks, bulls, all you need for your pie filling. After all that, you can go and rest in Thrymm Red-beard’s home and let his songbird sing you to sleep. This travel destination leaves no-one cold, despite the outside temperatures: it has the right peaceful feeling one seeks on Yuletide. Bring your friends, and Forlaw covers all the rest.
Now, we come to our last destination which is my personal favourite: Wildermore! If you have the coin, I strongly recommend that you come here. Taverns, snowmen, beautiful icy crystals here and there, good services all around. Forlaw is a wonderful town with picturesque, rustic cottages that certainly make a hobbit feel like home. The tavern has a heated terrace with live music, and there’s always a pork roasting on the fire. Take a stroll through the town, pop into the shops, and go pat the horses and chucks at the stables. And if you go outside of town, you will discover a hunters’ paradise: elks, bulls, all you need for your pie filling. After all that, you can go and rest in Thrymm Red-beard’s home and let his songbird sing you to sleep. This travel destination leaves no-one cold, despite the outside temperatures: it has the right peaceful feeling one seeks on Yuletide. Bring your friends, and Forlaw covers all the rest.
Pork! Do I need to say more? Wildermore!
A Merry Yule to all of you,
Miss Almi
A nanny, huntress and a Yule bath lover
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