December 5, 2019

Today our Yule calendar has something else for you: a Yule bath! Well, an article about it at least. Here, the infamous Miss Almi, my former nanny, will introduce you to the ancient Yule bath ritual and discuss the lack of interest for bathing among younger hobbits.

Yule Bath – a Yule Tradition We Need

by Miss Almi, a nanny

Yule is just around the corner, and many wee hobbits start to get excited about the upcoming festivities, the feast, and presents of course. These things are all grand – it’s the darkest time of the year, and we all need a little cheer. But sometimes folks tend to get lost like a letter in the Quickpost in all that bustle around Yule. So many things to remember and prepare! Yer need to sort out the pork for roasting, cover the burrow with fancy decoration and remember to send all them Yule cards to everyone… When the Yule finally arrives, ye might feel so exhausted that you just sleep throughout the holidays. And that’s no good. Some traditions certainly have to be, but there is one above them all. One that washes off all the unnecessary stuff yer carrying on yer hide. A tradition that cleanses yer both spiritually and physically, in particular. And that tradition is the Yule bath.

According to my experience as a nanny, many younger hobbits don’t really value the annual Yule bath tradition. They are rather running away from every opportunity of doing it. That’s why I wanted to write this short article about the ancient Yule bath ritual and how to do it properly.

The Ritual

There are many ways to do a bath, but if you want to do a proper Yule bath you need to adhere to the ancient, sacred traditions. First, you need the following:

• A hot bathing room/cottage, ideally located by a cold lake/sea; also some snow on the ground would be grand

• A special heating stove (with the fire inside and rocks on top) in the hot room

• A bundle of birch twigs (with leaves on)

• Courage

 

This is how it works: first, you need to heat up the hot room on Yule eve. This might take an hour; better to do it slowly. Don’t heat it up too hot – you don’t want to roast yerself like the pork. When the temperature is right, strip off yer clothes and step into the hot room. Sit down and pour some water on the hot stones so that a hot steam fills the room. This should make you sweat quite a bit, making all that nasty dirt ooze off yer skin, cleaning yer inside out. Now comes the fun part involving the birch twigs: start hitting yerself with the twig bundles. Yes, you heard me right. This will get all that dirt off yer skin. So lovely, isn’t it?

By now, you might feel quite hot, so it’s time to cool down. Go outside and plunge into the cold waters! If the water is frozen, don’t worry, yer can make a hole in it. If you have snow, you can roll in it as well. This gives a lovely tickle on yer skin when you dash back to the hot room. Repeat this hot/cold bathing sequence a couple of times, and remember to drink something in between! This way, you will be cleansed to the core and every pore. Afterwards, ye’ll also feel spiritually clean – although some might say that they are “feeling empty inside”, or describe it all a “near-death experience”. But as I said, it’s just good for you. Trust me, I’m a nanny.

The Beliefs Related to the Yule Bath

There are some special beliefs related to the Yule bath. For example, you are not allowed to make any noise in the hot room while bathing. Keep it quiet there, no screaming! If you make noise, it is believed that you will be plagued by gnats in the following summer. Another rule is that you need to do the bath before dusk. When the darkness falls, the “magical folk” will come and take a bath as well. We are not sure what these folks are (as we are not allowed to enter the hot room after dusk), but it is believed that them are garden dwarves, based on the brandy stains that they have left. And you don’t want to mess up with them. Leave a pint of ale and a fresh bundle birch twigs for the dwarves, so that they will stay pleased and won’t raid your brandy cellar the following night.

Yule Baths in the Shire

In reality, it is hard to make the traditional Yule bath happen. This is because the younger hobbits tend to run away as soon as the word “bath” is uttered. There are not too many hot rooms or cottages available in the Shire. Nor snow to roll in. But we, nannies, always find a way, as you have seen in the past.

 A nanny writing a bathing lecture (or plotting a bath trap)

  

Two years back, I posted an announcement that a new Yuletide pie will be presented at the Bywater banks. This lured many unsuspecting hobbits to their Yule bath. The following year, I tried another trick, a very cunning one. The younger hobbits got a message from Lobelia: she asked them to find Miss Pippa who helped her clear foul apples from Appledores. The hobbits followed the clues and found out that Miss Pippa had actually been kidnapped. The tracks led them eastward, and suddenly they found themselves on the Brandywine bank, and just then, they heard voices coming from the Girdley Island. That must be Miss Pippa, they thought, and swam across… just to find a pig named Pippa and a note from me, congratulating them for their Yule bath in the river. Miss Pycella wrote a post about it.

So it’s possible to get them young hobbits bathing. However, after these two incidents, the youngsters have grown wary of possible bath traps before Yule. Well, I know that a cold bath might be acquired taste, but yer never too young to start acquiring it.

Yule Bath – FAQs

Here are some frequently asked questions about Yule bath.

Q: Can’t I just skip the Yule bath?

A: No.

Q: If I skip Yule and go straight to the New Year celebrations, can I skip the Yule bath as well?

A: No.

Q: Animals don’t have Yule baths! Why should I have one?

A: Incorrect, animals do have Yule baths. Please see the two pictures as a proof.

Q: Why is the water so cold?

A: Yule happens to be in winter, so that’s why. Now, get along with that bath, we don’t have all day.

 Yule baths are bear necessities

 Old Bloodtusk cleaning himself up for the night at the G.L.O.B.E. theatre

So that’s all yer need to know about Yule baths. Have fun with yers!

Miss Almi

A former nanny of Miss Pycella

Lover of baths

((OOC: This text has been inspired by the Finnish yule sauna traditions. The “ritual” and the beliefs are pretty much the same as we have in here at Yule eve. Yes, that also goes for the twigs and all that.))